THE ORDER OF MAMMON NEWSLETTER
Tracking the Nation's Highest Honor
The Entrepeneurs in the Running For It
Some tidbits for newcomers to the newsletter. The Order of Mammon Medal has been awarded for over 100 years to the entrepeneur who pulls off the most electrifying and rewarding financial acrobatics without thought of using a bottom line.. The proceedings, who voted and even the winner have been super secret most of the way. I like to think my investigations have had something to do with flushing it out, but to be honest they probably just thought the time had come for the unabashed worship of mammon, the long time unofficial religion of the country. Here is what all the fuss is about.
Rumor has it this entrepeneurial honor was started by the Jeckyll Island crowd to thumb its nose at TR for all his trust busting antics. Now the crowd owns its own continent somewhere.
WR Hearst won for promoting several wars. Boy how times have changed. Today that wouldn't even rank him as a darkhorse.
Al Jolson sang at the fourth award ceremony crooning - "Mammon, Mammon, How I Love Ya, How I Love Ya, My Dear Old Mammon".
The medal itself has only been redesigned once. Apparently they hired some Russian who designed the Order of Lenin promising him citizenship and a chicken franchise.
Enough nostalgia. Let's get down to the race. Many touts consider GW the frontrunner. Latching on to one of the world's biggest oil reserves, with a bunch of lame excuses and a stolen presidency. Pretty top rate I admit. But for me Ken Lay is above and beyond with conjuring a fortuine out of thin air. Lacking the latest cruise missiles, Mr. Lay went into battle armed with nothing more than his cavalier approach to morality.
But before you put your money down on Mr. Lay, let me toss a wildcard on the table. Air America. No, definitely not son of the old CIA proprietary. Powell Jr. may be satisfied with demolishing the public airwaves with a small stick, but these bold adventurers are after the public air, and with a vengence. Heirs to the wisdom of Mr. Vanderbilt, their motto says it all "The public domain be damned". They're due to testify before Congress soon and since I've gotten my hands on an advanced copy of their broadside, why don't I just let it play.
"It may be invisible and nearly universal, but air is a resource like oil, water, gas, electricity, genetically modified organisms, and pop tunes. Only an absurd prejudice that people need it to live has allowed it to linger undeveloped and unprofitable in the public domain. People also need food but that hasn't stopped it from taking its proper place in the private sector. From the first closing of the common land in England to the latest FCC decision, privatization has been the key to progress. After all what has the public ever done? The public domain be damned, it's been the Carnegies, Edisons, and Gates who have made this great nation what it is today.
I know there are those among you who are with us ideologically, but have expressed doubts as to the feasibility of privatizing air. Sure its easy enough for the government to sell us the air rights to some place like Cleveland. And sure metering enclosed office buildings and highrises there offers no great challenge, but what about the public? What's to stop them from just opening a window or stepping outside and gulp up all the unpaid for air they want?
It would seem we've reached a technological and financial impasse. But it's just at this point that our unbounded faith in ability of the invisible hand of the market to solve all problems is rewarded once again. Up until now smog has been relegated to being the unused byproduct of the market place. But everything can be turned for profit, only lack of imagination stands oin our way. It turns out if pollution levels increase by 687% our research scientists have calculated that the world's supply of "public" air will be unbreathable. We have already patented "Airclear" the chemical additive which would for a reasonable monthly fee enable a person to breathe the air. Airclear provides miasma relief in seconds. I think it's not overly optimistic to think that sales of the product would be brisk. This is of course dependent on the increase in pollution levels and 687% sounds like a tall order, but with lowering car emission and EPA standards the future looks very hopeful."
Some of my subscribers have suggested that Ken Lay buying Schwarzenegger the governorship in exchange for his dismissing the 9 billion state case against Lay should ratchet up his chances for The Order of Mammon. Sorry, no points scored. In this day and age no candidate is seen as unfit and buying an election is as easy as opening your wallet. Now if some Mammon wannabe enterprizer can bankroll Larry Flynt into being Pope we'll talk.